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My Current Website
my sibling's pitas
my LJ
Quizilla
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i never forget the sign in info of my pitas no matter how long since i've last visisted. how strange....but i wont complain
love
wednesday, october 19, 2011
08:17 I am so happy that Pitas is still running. What will I do when this much loved road to my past is erased and lost?
My head hurts, but, I'm happy. A knew step is being taken with confidence.
^___^
April's Fool, France retires...
Saturday, April 2, 2011 02:12 a.m. It's done. A month and a half of planning is done...And I don't know what to say. Are all retirement parties like that? It wasn't good. M'hammed and Georges were awful... France wasn't ready. There was no real joy and it felt forced. Things worked but no so well. Ça s'enchainait pas bien, même moi au début il y avait une irritation avec laquelle je n'ai pas bien "dealé".
SIGH
deviant gallery
Thursday, February 24, 2011 02:16 a.m I don't know, now that I've shared some of my premilinary drawings of Mandala Series on Deviant Art, it takes away the magic. They're not treasures anymore. Still, I wonder if I shouldn't submitt some of my travel pics too...althought what I really want is a photobook
^____^
Mom and Espescially my ATTACHEMENT to the Cats
08:48 p.m.Mettre les points sur les i
J'exagère peut-être en disant que je vais vivvre avec ma mère jusqu'à l'âge de quarante ans.
When I talk to people about my plan, about what I want, the nerves in my sinuses go wild as irritation and frustration role over me. for my plans do not work if my social connections (i mean this in the broadest sense of the term) do not want it. I find myself pulling a mountain that WILL NOT budge.
Je veux me détacher du monde by expanding, being on my own. Le monde refuse de me laisser aller...
Ce qui me frustrait c'est que I didn't realize that standard reality, like in the movies and stories I read, like for the people around me, is NOT my reality. je ne suis pas due pour un autonomie finacière, je ne sui pas due pour un appartement, pour une voiture, pour un mari, pour des enfants, pour une carrière de mes désires (l'art). Et les choses viennent quand elles doivent venir et je ne peux les forcer. Qunad je les urgent je n'ai que des ennuis et de mauvaises surprises.
I am to be where I am and nowhere else. stagnant in many aspect of my life. Small steps and moving on a hidden journey (I'm not at the point I was in school where I felt the lagoon's mud was pulling me down).
It's nobody's fault but my own, in my fear of failure (not for me ,but for the ones that look at me), my hesitation to take the jump(I REALLY don't want to leave my cats behind).
There are two things that are holding me here: my regards to my Mom and my cats. I want to be descent and my decenscy ( without blowing my own horn) stops me from jumping off the cliff.
All I can think of doing now is to retreat. Shrink. Learn about myself and keep it to Myself. Shut up. Maybe I can achieve a certan independance, a solitude with invisibilty?
I'm the grown owlet that has it's flying feathers, has done most of its ceremonies, but after firt bones and first flight, hasn't progressed and is still in the family nest when all the others of his age are already having families of ther own. the only way I can see that owl getting a semblance of adulthood is by shrinking to a thin , small quiet thing, that makes no noise and the parents almost forget about him, so he can have a corner in the hollow, that looks big.
C'est humiliant and embarassing. I've been been boasting at work, to my friends et à qui veut entendre that I'm ready, today I will become I dignified thirty year old with the major steps of its material life fulfilled. I home of its own and mode of transportation adn a means to sustain itself. I have done NOTHING. I can't food shop, I can hardly pay my bills (which were created by futile spending), I can't seem to leave home, just take an appartement and move and i can't seem to perserving in comic and art creation. It always comes back to Mom and the cats, mostly the cats.
I have nothing to show for my big WHINNY talks and now I find myself going back on my words à me prosterner d'excuses et d'humiliations devant mes compères sachant que leur opinions de moi, derrière leur sourire, crient couardise! grande parleuse, petite faiseuse! manque de tenacité!
Voilà ou j'en suis. je me résous:
je ne parle plus de moi-même ou de mes plans à qui que ce soit ( famille inclus)
Je n'achète plus rien pour moi (except de la bouffe)
Je n'envie, ni ne convoîte rien (je n'en ai pas besoin)
Je ne m'insinue pas dans les conversations. J'écoute et je me tais.
Je maigrit pour disparaître.
Je ne parle plus d'argents ( manque ou gains) et je pais mes factures.
Je ne renous pas mon bail en 2011 et si je peux je ne termine pas mon permis ou du moins j'arrive jusqu'au permis probatoire.
Je ne quitte pas le nid, je ne voyage pas, je ne change pas de travail.
On verra pour après.
Quand le monde demandera, je dirai:
"Non ça ne marche pas (tu en pense ce que tu veux)"
Pourquoi? "Je ne sais pas ( hausse les épaules)"
suit leur opinion démoralisante et écrasante ( parce que je sui sensible).
"Peut-être. Tu as sans doute raison."
MonsterHigh and X-Mas
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
10:16 a.m. Je vais faire ma dernière sortie aujourd'hui. Driving courses were a mistake this year. That and asking for the upstairs appartement. I don't have the money to afford the extrat practice courses and there is no one I feel comfortbale with the practice outseide of school. If I paid the practice Intensive courses the school give my driving course would amount to about a total of 2000$!
I'm going to suspend it and we'll see. Se qui m'enrage is that my Mom doesn't stop saying how really important it is that I have my driving liscence and how it is important for autonomy; she urges me not to stop the courses, but she offers NO solution to my monetary problems. I mean you have to face reality and if you can't help me practice or pay for the Intensive courses for me. Shut Up! Keep your opinion to yourself and Stop saying that you passed without practice, the forst time. I AM NOT you! And I told you so MANY times and the fact that I know that it will take longer for me is NOT defitist, I love driving, I want To drive, but I KNOW myself and obviously YOU do NOT! Damn IT! Ça m'enrage! On another note, much better, my bro gave me six of the MonsterHigh doll collection for X-Mas. Isn't that just AWESOME ^_____^ smugness
The fool Drnkard
Friday, July 16, 2010 08:53 a.m. Gaby's wedding was fantastic, sans aucunes anicroches. It ws simple, beautiful and easy to enjoy. We had great weather and the chalet: Vieux Kritsbruel, was beautiful and cosy. The attendees were all nice and enjoyed themselves. there was a wedding crasher, but the staff took care of her so well, nobody even realized there was one, LOL.
A beautiful exemple of a Wedding, I hope mine will be as good ^___^
A message from the Dark Basements
Sunday, July 4, 2010 I'm getting deep into my Otakuness. How I have missed you Dark Lover mine! Anime, anime, Shounen anime!
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Record of the Past
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Opon's Gallery
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